


A Matter of Fate

by lottielovebuzz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Dean, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biting, Bottom Castiel, Castiel and Kids, Dean and Cas Have Trouble Conceiving, Dean and Kids, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Family, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marking, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Omega Castiel, Pregnancy, Pregnant Castiel, Self-Lubrication, Self-Worth Issues, Top Dean, Voice of Reason Anna Milton, implied Fpreg, side femslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 04:22:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2414777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has been mated with his alpha, Dean, for nearly five years. They're ready for a child, but when they've been trying to conceive for the past six months, Cas starts to wonder if they're really meant to be together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Matter of Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my artist [Zozomo](http://zozomo.livejournal.com/) for doing art for this fic... the link which will be coming soon.
> 
> Another thanks to my good friend [Tiana](http://t-hiddys-diddily.tumblr.com) for beta'ing this story.

As soon as Dean in through the door, Cas is there, his pupils blown wide in lust and his mouth hanging open. His breathing comes out short and sharp, and Dean doesn't even have the chance to get at "hi, babe" out of his mouth, before it is covered with Cas' own.  ****

'You're later than normal,' Cas declares between kisses, his hand coming up to card through Dean's short hair. His lips are pulled into a grin that Dean can feel against his own when they connect once more. 'I don't like you being later than normal.' 

'I was,' Dean finds his hands going straight for the buttons of Cas' shirt then, popping the first one free with  grin, as their breath mingle. 'Five minutes later than normal, babe. I didn't know you were that impatient.' 

'I'm not normally,' Cas explains, his hands moving from Dean's hair in order to rest on his hips. They squeeze the soft flesh of Dean's waist before they hook onto the loops of his belt ands tart impatiently tugging at the thing. 

'Easy tiger,' Dean grins as he tilts his head to the right, in order to let Cas' mouth close over the junction of his neck. His hands move so they can rest on Cas' slim waist, and when he hears the distinctive sound of his belt buckle hitting the hard wooden floor, he chuckles. 

'I've been thinking about this all day,' Cas murmurs into the corner of Dean's neck, before he bites down at the junction between neck and shoulder, earning a moan from his Alpha. 'Thinking of having your cock inside me, filling me up, knotting me up real good.' 

'Knocking you up real good, don't you mean? I can do that, can't I baby?' Dean murmurs, grabbing ahold of Cas' hands as they try to pull the zipper of his pants down. He tightens his grasp on his wrists until his fingernails are biting into Cas' soft skin, but all it does is cause Cas to hiss in pleasure. 

He turns Cas around then, pushing him face-first into the wall, twisting his arms behind his back. Cas' face screws up as he sucks in a deep breath, which turns into a shaky exhale as Dean steps up behind him, crowding closer to him and fucking _grinds_ against him.

'Is that what you want baby? Me knotting you up; filling you up so good that in nine months, you'll be swollen and beautiful?' 

Cas just whines, turning his head and trying to press his lips against Dean's; trying to capture those gorgeous, plump lips between his teeth, but Dean just chuckles and pulls back. He keeps the pressure on his arms, but other than that, there's no contact between his body and Cas'. 

'What was that baby? I couldn't hear you? Is that what you want?' Dean murmurs, lowering his voice as he moves forward and speaks into Cas' ear in a whisper. He feels Cas' hips twitch, trying to rub himself back onto his mate. Dean bites his lower lip, taking in a deep breath and trying to fight back the urge to rip Castiel's pants from his body and bury himself inside him, as he takes in the scent of his mate. He groans, but shakes his head and manages to clear his thoughts. 'You're going to have to speak up.'

'I want this. I want it all. I want your cock in me; want your knot; want your baby.' Cas hisses as he shimmies back, once more trying to rub himself against Dean; present himself to his Alpha. 'Please Dean! Please, I'm ready… been waiting… don't make me wait any longer. _Dean,_ you asshole!' 

Dean chuckles, unable to stop himself as he finally presses himself against Cas again, one long line that's a mix between hard muscle and soft skin. 

'I'd watch your mouth if I were you, Cas. Is that anyway to speak to the man you're meant to love?' 

'Stop teasing me and _fuck me_ , you _asshole_!' Cas bites back, a grin on his face and Dean can't help the chuckle that breaks free from his lips, before he leans forward and presses his lips to the side of Cas' neck. His teeth scrape over the blue vein that pulses beneath his tongue, and he loosens his hold on Cas' wrists, turning his mate around to face him.

'Bedroom,' Dean orders, 'and be thankful your lips are as so beautiful, I don't want to gag them.' 

His lips descend onto Cas' then, just for emphasis, his tongue parting them and trailing along the inside of his lips.

'Bedroom. _Now_.' Dean growls lowly, before he gives Cas a small shove in the general direction of their bedroom, and with a grin on his lips, Dean follows him, stalking after him as Cas walks backwards, trailing blindly towards the bedroom.

'Do I still get tied up?' Cas questions with a growing grin, and Dean can't help the growl that escapes from his mouth, as he speeds up, extending his gait in order to move closer to Cas. He wraps his arm around Cas' upper arms, before he trails them over his chest, reaching for the buttons of his shirt, and when Cas adds, 'Well, do I?', Dean grunts and rips the shirt. 

The buttons scatter across the wooden floor, bouncing off the wood with loud pings, but Dean doesn't care, for his hands find Cas' then after pushing the shirt from his body, letting it flutter to the ground as he helps Cas shrug out of it. 

'Maybe tomorrow,' Dean declares, as he pulls Cas' hands so that they're resting on his waist. 'But today, I want to feel your nails dig into my back as I fuck you and fill you up.'

Cas untucks Dean's shirt from his pants, before his hands disappear underneath it. The back of his knees hit against the bed, but he doesn't collapse onto it just yet. 

Instead, he smirks up at Dean, fluttering his long black eyelashes at him, and when his azure blue gaze meets Dean's green one, he digs his short nails into the soft, supple flesh of Dean's back, earning a hiss from his mate. 

'Like this you mean?' He grins, unable to stop himself when Dean arches into his touch, moaning as his yes flutter shut. Cas bites his lip in order to stop himself from muttering a word or uttering a moan, because then Dean would snap out of this and want to focus on Cas instead. Which is good in some circumstances, but he's not going to deny that Dean looks downright _beautiful_ with his lips parted in a silent gasp, and his eyes softly shut. 

He trails his hands back down Dean's back, making sure to dig his fingers in extra hard, and he can't help the moan that breaks free this time when Dean's hips jerk forward and grind against his groin.

Dean suddenly seems to remember where he is, and he reopens his eyes. 

'Bed.' He growls out, his hands reaching behind to detach Cas' from his back. He pins them to his side, before he walks Cas backwards, grinning widely as he watches the way Cas' eyes dilate and he submits to his Alpha's orders. He sits down onto the bed as soon as Dean releases him, and with a breathless gasp, Cas shimmies back onto the bed until he's lying by the head of the bed. 

'Come _on_ , Dean,' Cas grounds out, and that's all that Dean seems to need. He sheds himself off his clothes, grinning as Cas impatiently tugs his own pants and boxers off, and throws them to the ground. 

As soon as his clothes are on the ground, the scent of his slick fills the room, and Dean inhales deeply, finding it hard not to. He tugs at his belt furiously then, nearly ripping the damn thing off his body as he does so. As soon as he's free of any and all clothes, he crawls onto the bed, capturing Cas' lips in his own once more, the kiss rough and harsh; their teeth clash and their noses bump together, but neither of them notice. 

Dean takes Cas' lower lip between his teeth, as his hand trails down his mate's side and as soon as they can, his fingers circle around his rim, letting Cas' wetness soak his fingers, and there's so much that he can't seem to stop himself from breaking away from Cas' lips and lift his fingers to his mouth. 

He moans around them as he tastes his mate's arousal, and Cas moans in return, the sight of Dean with his fingers in his mouth, tasting Cas is just too much. 

'Hurry up.' He breathes, his voice as shaky and weak as he feels. 

'You normally like being teased,' Dean declares as he removes his fingers from his mouth. His hand goes straight to Cas' hole once more, and with a grin, he slips two fingers inside, watching with a slack jaw as Cas' breath stutters, and his back arches off the bed. 

'Oh, God.' Cas moans, unable to stop himself. ' _More_.' 

Dean grins as he begins to pump the two fingers in and out of Cas' tight hole, feeling his mate clench around his fingers, drawing to draw him back in every time he tries to pull them out. He's dripping wet, and his slick arousal drips onto the mattress below them, creating a wet patch that is definitely going to stain. 

But Dean doesn't care about that right now, not as he pushes another finger inside Cas, searching deeper and deeper, and he knows he's found it when Cas lets out a breathless shout. 

'Fuck. Dean… need _you_.' 

'You got me babe, you got me.' Dean murmurs into Castiel's ear, before he bites the flesh of his earlobe, gnawing on it with his teeth, and Cas' breath stutters again. 

His hips thrust of the mattress, meeting the pumping of Dean's fingers and his hands are still clenching on the covers of the bed below him. He doesn't want to stop, because his body is alight; flames spreading through his entire person and he can't breath, and it's making his head dizzy, but it's just _not enough_. He needs more. 

'Dean,' he grounds out, and Dean can't seem to tease him anymore, seeing how worked up his mate is already, and Dean wonders how he's got through today without him there. He hates working during Cas' heat, because he knows how much of a frustration it is for him. 

Sure, there's things he can take to make them stop, but ever since they decided to _try_ for a baby, well… Cas just seems to have forgotten how horrible heats really can be. But after tonight, when Dean's knotted up inside him and both of them are sated, he'll be able to get through the rest of the week without feeling like he's going to explode. 

That's something he's looking forward to. 

But right now, three fingers inside him just isn't doing it. He needs his mate; needs his knot. 

And even though he whines when Dean pulls his fingers from him, he knows what that means. 

Dean shifts, moving to drape himself over Cas. His green eyes meet Cas' blue ones, and their gaze stays locked together as Dean takes ahold of his cock and lines it up with Cas' hole. Cas lets out a stuttering gasp as Dean finally, _finally_ , sinks inside him. 

Dean moves slow, relishing in the warmth and tightness that surrounds his cock as he sinks into his mate, and even though he can feel Cas shift under him, wiggling his hips impatiently, wanting _some_ movement, Dean doesn't move. He stays still, closing his eyes as he does so, and he takes in a deep breath. 

There's something special about this, about smelling the both of them together; slick with sweat, the room heady with the smell of Cas' arousal, as well as Dean's. 

'Dean,' Cas whines as he rolls his hips, relieving some of the pressure from inside him, the growing and swelling need for movement, but not nearly enough as he wants; as he needs. His moment causes Dean to reopen his eyes, however, sucking in a breath as his cock slips from his mate's hole, only to be pulled back in with the next roll of Cas' hips. ' _Move_ , you asshole.' 

'What have I told you about your tongue?' Dean growls, before he snaps his hips forward, thrusting impossibly further into Cas, who was in the middle of retorting to his comment. His words die on his tongue, however, with a strangled moan as he throws his head back. 

Dean starts a punishing pace then, thrusting in and out of Cas with a pace that has his mate's eyes rolling into the back of his head, his toes curling against the mattress and his hands tightening their hold on the covers even more. 

Dean moves onto his elbows, letting them support his weight, and with his hand, he reaches out and cups the side of Cas' neck. 

'Hands. Back.' Dean mutters against Cas' lips, before he presses his to them, thrusting his tongue into Cas' mouth. It takes a moment for Cas to realise just what the hell he meant, but when realisation dawns on him, he releases his hold on the duvet and instead moves them to his mate's back. 

That's right. Dean wanted to feel his nails dig into his skin. He's surprised that he doesn't have permanent scars adorning his muscular back, seeing as there has been countless times when Cas has scratched and nipped and clawed at his back so hard, it started to bleed. 

They've had to throw out three sets of bedsheets because they were stained with red blood spots. 

His hands grope at the soft, sweat-slick skin on Dean's back, and his fingers find it hard to get purchase, with the dewiness that covers both of their skin, but he does it anyway, digging his nails into his lover's skin and grinning up at him when Dean moans, his hips losing their rhythm, his thrust becoming unpredictable for a short moment, before he remembers himself. 

Dean's back arches, moving into the touch with another groan as he regains his rhythm, moving back into the pace that he had before. 

Cas is groaning and writhing underneath him, but it's not what he's normally like, and Dean knows he's just not getting deep enough right now, so with a hand, he reaches down and grabs the back of Cas' knee, tugging his legs wider and them pulling one up and over his shoulder, thankful that Cas is so damn flexible.

The next thrust, he grinds against Cas' prostate, and he's rewarding by a shout from Cas, his hands pinching the skin between Dean's shoulder blades, who hisses both in pain and pleasure. 

'You're beautiful,' Dean whispers, as he moves his lips to Cas' cheekbone, pressing openmouthed kisses back and forth the high bone, his breath fanning out sharply over Cas' face. Not that he minds. 'Y'know that. _Breathtaking_.' 

Cas moans, whines with the praise and his hips thrust, meeting each of Dean's with a breathless whimper as he continues to pound against his prostate. 

'So…' he's cut off with a moan, and Dean grins because _yes_ , this is what he wanted; this is what he wants when they're mating. The sight of Castiel speechless and breathless, everything tight and clenching because he, Dean, is making him feel so good. This is what he what he _lives_ for.

Cas swallows hard, his forcing his eyes to stay open, even as they're drooping because of Dean's thrusts. 

'You're… you're beautiful, too.' Cas gasps back, as he feels Dean's knot swelling inside him, growing to hold him in place so that nothing seeped out; so that none of his sperm was wasted on the sheets. 

Cas can't help that groan that breaks free from his lips, which turns into a whine when Dean's hand locks around his cock, and starts fisting up and down his length. Cas' back arches, his hands clutching and clawing at Dean's back, trying to match both Dean's thrusts and the pumps of his fist. 

But neither compliment the other. Just as he pushing back into Cas, he's sliding his hand back up Cas' dick, moving in actions that counteract each other, and cause Cas' hips to jerk wildly, unable to decide whether he wants to chase Dean's cock or Dean's hand. 

'Dean! Quit teasing!' He gasps, his fingers pinching the soft, sensitive skin just under Dean's armpit, which causes his mate to hiss, and his actions to stall for a moment. Dean's hand leaves Cas' cock then, and before Cas can even think about whining in annoyance, or telling him to fucking touch him again, his palm is connecting with the side of Cas' thigh in a sharp slap.

Cas inhales sharply, stopping a yelp from leaving his mouth. His mouth falls slack when Dean does it again, a moan breaking free this time as he was almost expecting it. Dean's thrusts speed up, skin smacking against skin as he lifts his hand away from Cas' side and wraps it around his cock again. 

'Thought I told you to watch that pretty mouth of yours?' He whispers against Cas' mouth, and just for emphasis, he takes his lower lip between his teeth, grinning when Cas lifts his head up in order to slot their lips together. 

Dean's hand is tight around Cas' cock, pumping up and down with a grip that has Cas throwing his head back, detaching his lips from Dean's. His back arches and his head turns, bearing his neck to Dean with a low groan. 

' _Dean_ ,' he gasps, biting a mouthful of pillow to distract himself, to stop himself from exploding. Everything clenches and he can feel himself starting to come undone, but he's not ready yet. Not without, ' _Dean_ , please! Mark me!' 

Dean continues to thrust, grinding his teeth together in order to stop his knot from swelling and locking in place. Cas comes first. That's the deal; that's the promise. He's not going to be some selfish Alpha taking advantage of their Omega. He's not going to be that person. 

He runs his nose along the long line of muscle on Cas' neck, inhaling his scent and swallowing as his mate's scent makes his mouth water. He nips at the vein that thrums beneath his lips, but doesn't bit hard, doesn't even bit hard enough to leave indents, let alone a mating mark. 

'What was that sweetheart?' He murmurs into Cas' ear, nipping his earlobe with more force than he did his neck, which makes Cas groan and grunt, desperately trying to bear his neck more to his mate, trying to convince him to bite him. 

'Mark me up, you _asshole_.' Cas shoots back and Dean can't help the chuckle that escapes his lips. He moves his lips back down Cas' neck, pressing butterfly kisses all over the sweat-slick skin, before he takes the lean curve into his mouth and bites. Hard. 

Cas comes with a choked cry, spilling over Dean's hand and his stomach. His vision blurs with explosion of covers, and when he finally manages to gasp more air into his lungs, and reopen his eyes, he's no longer beneath Dean. No. He's straddling his lap, Dean using his hands to move Cas' hip in small circles as he thrusts into him. 

Cas' breath catches when he feels Dean's knot lock in place, and all it takes is for Cas to whisper, 'I love you, Dean Winchester,' before Dean is coming, fingernails biting into Cas' hip as the aftershocks run through his body, causing him to jerk and writhe against the bed. 

Cas falls forward onto Dean's chest, kissing and sucking his neck as he rides out his high, filling Cas up. 

When the aftershocks die down, Dean opens his eyes and meets Cas' bright blue ones, giving him a small smile as he runs his hand up to cup the back of his Omega's neck. He pulls him down, closing the two inch gap between their lips with a sleepy, sloppy kiss.

When the pull apart, Dean readjusts them both, mindful of his knot which is still locked firmly in place, and finds a more comfortable position for them to lie in. 

'It worked this time, Cas,' Dean murmurs into his mate's hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead once he's finished. 'I can feel it in my bones. This time, we finally did it.' 

His voice is little more than a whisper when he talks, and it's all Cas can do to hold onto his mate tighter, hoping and praying that his words are true. 

He's already failed Dean enough times before, he doesn't want to do it this time, because he knows that this time will finally be the breaking point for Dean, and he'll realise just how useless and worthless Cas actually is. 

And with these thoughts in his mind, Castiel falls into a fitful sleep, hoping that they're just nasty thoughts and that Dean is right this time.

_~oOoOoOoOoOo~_

Nearly two months since Cas' last heat, and he hasn't been through another one, which both him and Dean take as a very good sign. It's normally the first sign that the midwives tell suspecting parents to look for. How long it's been since their last heat and whether or not they've missed their next one. 

So when the date his second heat was supposed to finish comes, and he hasn't been through his cycle, Castiel takes it upon himself to stop in at the drugstore on his way home from work to pick up a pregnancy test.

He stares at the different brands and types for a good ten minutes, trying to decide what one to get, seeing as they were all claiming to be the most accurate. He gnaws on his lower lip as he rules out the drugstores own brand, deciding that this is something that doesn't warrant being cheap with. He'd rather pay more for something that he knows will work, rather than picking the cheapest brand, only to get a false-positive and get his hopes up. 

God knows that'd just make him feel the worst he has in years. 

So, no, the own brand is out of the window. He also rules out the most expensive ones, finding it ridiculous that some people can charge $30 for one pregnancy test, just because they say it's the best one for accuracy and can even tell how far along you are. 

He doesn't need that. He just needs a simple yes or no. That also rules out the ones that have either a smiley face or a sad face for their results. God knows that he knows the reactions that he will feel depending on the result. He doesn't need a stick that he's going to be _peeing_ on to feel the same way. 

In the end, he decides on a middle-of-the-road one, that seems good enough to do the job, but doesn't claim something ridiculous, like being able to tell the sex of the baby… and okay, maybe no other pregnancy stick does that, but he has no doubt that if they had to say that, there'd be idiots out there that'd believe them. 

He doesn't miss the looks he gets as he walks with it to the till, and doesn't miss the way the Beta standing in front of him looks him up and down, his face changing from disgust at the idea that Cas was just a knot-hungry Omega, to almost _relief_ when he notices Cas' claim bite. 

As if that made it all the better. 

Cas grinds his teeth, having come to terms with the staring and whispers. After all, he's had a lot of practice since he found out he was an Omega, and not a Beta or Alpha like the rest of his family. He was prepared to live alone, fighting the stereotype that every Omega needed an Alpha to survive… and he was happy with that life. Until he met Dean Winchester. Then everything changed. 

He no longer cared if he was acting like a stereotypical Omega, thinking about his mate constantly, because he knew that Dean was doing the exact same. There was an equality between them that Castiel never thought was possible between an Alpha and an Omega. 

But here they were; mated, married and trying to start a family. 

He pays for the pregnancy test and leaves the shop, smiling at the young cashier that offers him her hope and congratulations, saying that she hopes it's the result he's wishing for. 

The drive home is long, and filled with his eyes constantly flickering between the road and the bag that the pregnancy test was in, sitting in the passenger seat. His hands clench and unclench around the steering wheel, trying to fight back the desire to either throw the test out the window and just wait and see, and to pull over and take the test right now, just to get it over with. 

He decides not to do either, realising that Dean would want to be there for the results and would feel saddened by the fact that Cas didn't wait on him. He also realises that throwing the test out of the window would really be the opposite of helpful, because it's the quickest way to get an answer. 

By the time he gets back home, there's no denying that his heart is in his mouth, as he takes the bag from the seat and walks into the house, locking the car behind him. 

'Dean?' He calls as soon as he's through the door, setting his keys into the dish by the door. He doesn't bother to take his shoes or coat off, merely tightens his hold on the bag with the pregnancy stick and walks through the house, looking for Dean. 

He finds him in the kitchen, of course, LedZeppelinplaying in the background as he cooks something that smells _delicious_. His mouth waters as the smells invade his nostrils, and he finds himself setting the test down on the table as he walks forward. He wraps his arms around Dean's middle, resting his chin on Dean's shoulder as he looks over to see what's cooking.

'You're making cheeseburgers?' 

Dean chuckles as he flips one of the burgers, 'Only the best for you,' he grins and adds as a second thought, 'and my baby.' 

Cas stiffens behind him, but he hopes that Dean didn't notice. He's not ready for this yet. But of course, Dean did notice. Dean notices a lot of things when it comes to Cas; just like Cas does with Dean. 

'Cas, what's wrong?' He questions, setting the spatula and turning the hob down, so the burgers don't burn. He then turns in Cas' embrace, facing him as he wraps his arms around his mate's neck. 

'I…' he thinks about lying, but when he looks into Dean's green eyes, he realises he can't. 'I just don't want you to get your hopes up, that's all. I might… the results may disappoint you; _I_ may disappoint you.' 

'Hey, hey, hey,' Dean murmurs as his arms tighten their hold on his mate. 'You could never disappoint me. Whether you're pregnant or not, Cas, I love _you_ for you. Not because your an Omega, not because you can carry my children, but because you're _you_. You'll never be able to disappoint me, okay?' 

Cas takes a deep breath in, trying to let Dean's soothing words wash over him, but he finds he can't; finds that he can't believe him because if he fails this time, it would've been the fourth time that they've thought they finally managed it, only to be disappointed. Who can go through the motions and still not fall pregnant? 

He must have something wrong with him, he decides. There must be something physically wrong with him and he needs to get it sorted out, or if he can't get it sorted out, he needs to tell Dean to leave him. 

Dean deserves children; he deserves the happy warmth of fatherhood, and he'd rather see Dean happy with children, than Dean stuck with him from loyalty. 

'Whatever you're thinking, stop it right now.' Dean orders and Cas takes a deep breath in, trying to do that. But it's hard. It's hard when the pregnancy test is still sitting on the table and he has no way of knowing what the results are going to be.

It's hard when Dean is looking at him with such love and adoration, that he feels like he's both going to melt from the warmth that spreads through him, and die from shame that closely follows behind it.  

'I'll try.' Cas whispers against his lips as Dean moves in for a soft kiss, and Dean doesn't even protest to the words. He merely holds onto Cas for dear life and presses his lips even harder against Cas', slipping his tongue inside his mouth with a soft groan. 

'Do you want me to do it now?' Cas whispers softly as soon as they pull apart, Dean's forehead resting against his own and he can feel Dean's smile even with his eyes shut; he can feel it stretch against his own lips. 

'It's up to you baby,' Dean declares. 'If you want to do it now, you can, and if you want to wait till later, you can. I'm gonna be here, supporting you no matter what, so yeah baby, it's totally up to you.' 

'I think I'll do it now. We'll just be on edge, otherwise, constantly wondering what the results are.' Cas murmurs before he breaks free from Dean's embrace and turns, grabbing ahold of the bag with the test in.

'Do you want me to…?' Dean trails off, leaving the question hanging in the air he tries not to feel disappointed when Cas nods his head. He turns his back on Dean then, walking through to the bathroom, and once he's inside, he shuts the door and locks it behind him. He doesn't want Dean to barge in when he's found out the result. He just doesn't want Dean to see him broken again. 

He pulls the stick from the bag and stares at it, trying to see it for what it is. A small stick made of plastic and some other things that let you know by your urine whether or not you're pregnant. It's not some evil little piece of equipment that is either going to make or break his life.

Still, no matter how hard he tries, all he can see is the latter. 

He reads the instructions and follows them exactly, and when he gets to the step that says "wait two minutes for results", he sits on the toilet, perching the test on the edge of the sink so he can watch it as the answer slowly appears. 

From what he can remember of the instructions and the box, having put them from his mind the second it turned into a waiting game, it only shows a "yes". If it doesn't show anything, there's no baby. Which makes sense, he guesses, maybe that's the reason he got it, because there would be no correct phrasing for "you don't have a baby in you" that would sound… considerate and kind. 

His eyes flicker between the test and his watch, a million times a second, and when two minutes pass, and nothing has appears on the test, he feels everything collapsing around him. He chokes on a sob as he buries his face in his hands, desperately trying to fight back tears because he's still got to face Dean. 

 _Dean_. His lovely, perfect, kind, considerate, _amazing_ mate, who's been there for him through thick and thin. He can't even do right by him. He can't even do the normal thing and provide his Alpha with children. 

He feels his tears against his hands, and he sniffles when he hears the banging against the door. 

_Dean._

He wants to be enveloped in his strong arms, wants to be surrounded by the scent of his Alpha. But he can't. He doesn't deserve that sort of comfort. Of course he doesn't. He's nothing but a failure. A stupid, useless Omega who can't even do the one thing he was put on earth for. 

'Cas! Open the door! C'mon baby! I'm worried! Don't do this to yourself; don't go through it alone.' Dean's voice seeps in through his thoughts, and he wants to welcome it, wants to let his soothing tones wash over him, but he can't. 

'Leave me.' He whispers it at first, but then Dean's hands are still pounding against the door. His voice is still sounding stressed and worried, so he snaps, louder this time, 'Dean, just _leave me_!' 

'I've told you, Cas, I'm not leaving you.' Dean replies and at any other times those words would have been enough. But today they're just a taunt. A tease. 

He stands from the toilet seat, storming over to the door and unlocking it and when he throws it open, he's greeted by Dean's face that's lit up with pure _relief_. And it just angers Cas even more, because he shouldn't relieved to see Cas. No. He should be tearing down the house, calling him every name under the sun, for not being able to do the _one fucking thing_ he's supposed to be good for. 

'Why won't you just leave me be?' Cas snaps the second he sees Dean's face; sees the _relief_ there. He can't deal with it. 'Why don't you just fuck off and leave me? It'll be better for me and better for you.' 

'Cas, what're you… baby, talk to me.'

'Stop fucking calling me that! I _hate_ it!' Cas sneers, before his mind adds "no I don't; I love it", unable to stop from reassuring himself that he's not telling the truth. 

He sees hurt in Dean's eyes when he briefly looks into them, but it's buried deep, beneath all that concern and love and patience, and Cas knows, just _knows_ that Dean won't take a single word he says seriously. He could tell him he hates him; could tell him he wants to leave him, and both he and Dean would know that they're nothing but lies. 

The words would cut deep, sure, but in the end, there wouldn't be any belief behind them. Not on either side. 

'Cas… I know what you're feeling,' Dean starts and even though Cas gives a harsh, cold chuckle, he continues, 'Babe, I do. But I'm here. You don't need to do this alone. I don't want you to do this alone. We're a family already, Cas. Nothing is going to change that.' 

'You want kids, Dean.' Cas declares, and even though he doesn't even need to say that, because they've talked about it a million times, he does. He states the most obvious fact and lets it hang in the room like an accusation. 'And I can't give you them.'

'We don't know that.' 

' _Five_ times, Dean! Five times we've been through this. I can't go through it again, and neither can you.' Cas takes in a shaky breath, letting it out through his nose a moment later. Dean's and comes up and cups his cheek, and he tries desperately to ignore it, but finds he can't. Cas leans into the touch, letting his own hand come up and cup Dean's, holding it firmly against his face, relishing in the warmth it sends through his skin. 'We can't. But you want kids, and there's going to come a time, when you're going to grow to hate me, because I didn't - couldn't - give them to you.'

His hand is shaking over Dean's, and when he blinks, a stray tear falls from his eye, gliding down his cheek and disappearing in his lips. He lets out a choked sob, before he pulls Dean's hand away from his face and lets it drop away from him. 

And when he can, he gives Dean a firm push, sending him backwards and away from him, giving him enough time to dart out of the bathroom, grab his trench coat and the keys for the car, and leave the house, the pregnancy test and Dean behind.

Before Castiel even realises it, he's at his sister's front at his sisters front door and has knocked on it three times. He comes to his senses just as the door opens and her comes face to face with his sister. 

Her hazel eyes narrow in concern as she takes in the dishevelled appearance of her younger brother - even if it is only by six minutes.

'Castiel?' She questions, her eyes raking over his red and puffy eyes, his wild and untamed hair, and his clothing which is in more disarray than moral. 

'I'm sorry if this is a bad time.' Castiel murmurs, reaching up to rub a hand over his face. 'I didn't know where else to go.'

'It is never a bad time for you, Cas. Come on in.' She steps aside to let her brother enter, before she leads them through to the living room. 

'Where's Ruby?' Cas questions, looking around himself as he notices the absence of Anna's mate, the Alpha Ruby. 

'She's putting the girls to sleep.' Anna informs softly. 'Do you mind waiting a minute until I say goodnight to them as well?' 

The mention of Anna's girls brings tears to Castiel's eyes, but he can't let her know just how envious he is of her; envious that his sister and her mate managed to get that happy ending that he had always wanted. He was happy for her, he really was, but he couldn't help but feel bitter at the reminder. 

'How are little Hael and Hannah?' Cas questions before Anna turns away and leaves him alone. A fond smile tugs at her lips and he _wants_ that. He wants a fond, almost impulsive smile to pull at his lips when anyone asks about his children… his children with the man he loved. 

'They're good. You need to come by more often, they're missing their uncle!' She admonishes, before she turns and leaves him alone in the living room, after informing him that she won't be long. 

He's not sure how long she is away for, but he sits patiently, allowing her to tuck her children in before dealing with her brother. When she returns, she's alone, and he can only picture her whispering at Ruby, telling her not to come down because Castiel is _emotional_ again. 

He scoffs at his thoughts; like Anna would ever say such a thing about him. Her door was always open for him, he _knew_ that. 

'What's wrong, Castiel?' She questions as she sits down beside him, taking his hand in hers. Her calming warmth seeps in through his skin, and suddenly he's reminded of just how comforting it is to be around a Beta. 

There's no feeling of unease like there is with being around an Alpha… that feeling as if you're a juicy piece of meat on the slab, just waiting to be claimed and eaten. There's also not that feeling of competition that comes with an Omega, as if you're stuck in an instinctive and year-old ritual of needing to attract a mate.

There just was… calm and peace with being surrounded by a Beta. Or it could just be Anna that provides him with calm and peace. 

'I'll get us tea.' Anna declares, almost sensing as if he needs something to focus on. She stands up, walking through to the kitchen and Castiel can hear the faint sound of her moving about, preparing the tea for them both. 

They live differently from Dean and himself, he knows that, but sometimes he wishes that he could have their lives. Not just because they have the children that Dean and Castiel crave, but because there's no… questioning between the mates. Anna isn't constantly questioning Ruby's opinion of her.

They know and trust each other.

Castiel is so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't realise that Anna has come back, not until he feels the weight of her hand on his shoulder. He jumps, but Anna just shushes him, her hand moving from his shoulder to comb through his black hair, pushing it backwards so it sticks up every-which-way. 

'It's getting longer.' She murmurs softly, as she pulls her hand free and sits down beside him. 'I always told you that you looked better with your hair longer.' 

'Dean says the exact same thing.' He gives her a brief smile, before his words catch up with him and it falls off his face with the mention of Dean's name. Dean, his wonderful mate who he doesn't even deserve. 

With a groan, Cas' hands come up and cover his face, ignoring the fact that he's nearly crying in front of his older sister. Well, it's not that bad. Anna was the only one he felt comfortable enough crying in front of when they were younger… he's obviously not grown out of that. He can't even cry in front of Dean.

'Castiel!' Anna's voice is laden with worry, and somehow it's not what Castiel needs. He's making his sister worry about him now; God, is there anyone on this planet that didn't worry about him. 

_Yeah, your father._

Oh, great, that's just what he needed to think about. His father that didn't want anything to do with him. That's just swell. 

'Castiel! What is wrong? Talk to me!' Anna's voice is thick with worry, but when her hand comes up and covers his, tugging them away from his face, he finds he can't find her. 

His hands come away from his face as his vivid blue eyes meet his sister's hazel ones, fighting back a sniffle as he finally meets her gaze. 

'Castiel.' She repeats, her voice as smooth as honey, and it spreads through Cas like a warm heat. He doesn't know what it is about Anna - whether it's the fact she's his older sister, the fact she's a woman or the fact she's a Beta - but she can always soothe Castiel; make him feel came and at peace using only her voice.

'It's Dean and I. I don't… sometimes I worry if we are actually meant to be together, Anna. If we were meant to be together, surely we - I - would have,' he finds he can't even say the word, 'but we haven't, and it's taking its toll and I don't know what to _do,_ Anna!'

Anna's hands come up and cup Cas' face, thumbs brushing gently against her brother's cheekbones as she smiles down softly at him.

'Castiel, being mates is not easy; whoever told you that is _lying_.' She gives a chuckle. 'Do you know how long it took before Ruby and I fell pregnant with little Hael? We had been trying for nearly three years.' 

Cas' eyes widen at that, and his gaze shoots to hers before his look of surprise turns to one of confusion, 'You… you didn't tell me that. You, you weren't trying for kids when you fell pregnant.' 

Anna smiles coyly at him, finding that she needs to ease that look of confusion from her bother's face. 

'Cas, I only said that so it made sense. I didn't want to tell anyone that we were trying, just incase it didn't happen. It would have been bad enough having Ruby know about my failure… it would have been a whole other having the whole entire world know. I couldn't do it. So, I didn't tell anyone. Now I wish I had.' She moves forward until her forehead is pressed against her brother's, a soft smile pulling at her lips, as this was what they alway used to do when they were younger, and one of them was hurting.

'If you love Dean, _truly_ love him like I think you do, you'll find that no matter how deep you fears run, you'll find that you won't be able to part from him. He's not just a stranger that you can break away from because they're causing you pain, he's your _mate_ Castiel. You know from mother's experience how bad it is, to have your mate walk out on you. Could you really do that to Dean, or yourself for that matter?'

Cas thinks back to their mother, Naomi, thinking about how torn she was when their father walked out on her and his children, leaving her alone to raise four young children. 

He can still see his mother cry herself to sleep at night, can still see the sight of her, thin, worried and so concerned for her children. He knows that he and his siblings were the only reason that she held herself together; the only thing that forced her to get up in the morning. 

And when Dean came along, he can remember how _protective_ she was over him. How worried she was that Dean was going to do to him, what his father did to his mother. But he fought for Dean, he proved his love for Dean and Dean did the same for him.

And it _worked_ ; they both proved just how deep their bond ran, because when Castiel came back one night, with the distinct imprint of a claiming mark from Dean, his mother didn't even bat an eyelash. In fact, she cupped his cheek and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

She was _happy_ for him, and God knows how hard it is to convince Naomi Novak of someone being a good enough mate for her children.

Castiel shakes his head when he realises his answer. No. He couldn't walk away and leave Dean; he'd try and a part of him wants Dean just to be _happy_ , but he's learnt to be selfish - thanks to Dean. He's learnt to want, to need, and there's nothing that he wants and needs more than Dean. 

As much as he wants kids, he wants Dean more, and he just wants to be happy with Dean. That's all he wants - his main worries is whether or not Dean can be happy with him, for not giving him children.

But he's sure - ninety-nine percent positive in fact - that Dean would be happy with him, even if he didn't give him children. Dean loves him. Dean loves him so fucking much it's a wonder he actually doubts it.

'No. I couldn't. It'd tear me apart… I'd only leave if Dean wanted me to.' Cas admits, but he finds that he still can't lift his head; still can't meet his sister's gaze.

Anna gives a small chuckle, 'And if I know Dean, I don't think he'd be asking that of you any time soon. The man _loves_ you, Castiel. Any blind man can see that! Have you ever seen the way he looks at you? Like you hung the stars; like you created the universe; like you… I don't know… pulled him from Hell!' 

Cas sends her a dubious look.

'Look, I know you couldn't actually pull him from Hell, but maybe in Dean's eyes you did. He wasn't happy with his life before he met you - his dad was abusive and then just left him, his brother was on the other side of the country, making it as a lawyer and with a fantastic little Omega - but he met you, and that all changed.' 

Finally, Castiel lifts his head and he turns his head to look at his sister, who reaches up with her hand and cups his face, fingers trailing over his cheekbone with a soft, tender smile upon her face. 

'You and Dean, you have a profound bond - and yes, I am using the phrase you used to convince mother that you were meant to be, because it's _true_.' Anna's smile widens when she feels her brother's face heat up under her touch, and she gives a soft chuckle in return.

'It's actually sickening how much you two love each other.' Another voice comes from the doorway, and when Cas' head whips around to see who's standing there, he sees her sister's mate, Ruby, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over her chest with a crooked smirk on her face. 

Castiel can't help but think that's her favourite expression to wear.

'Ruby!' Anna admonishes, pulling her hand away from her brother's face. 'I hope you know he's used that statement on us as well.'

'We are _not_ sickening.' Ruby retorts as she pushes herself away from the door, moving so she's standing by the couch where her mate and her mate's brother sits. 

'Please. I remember when my mom was protesting to you being a mate with Anna, she actually turned and said "Ruby's not like the other Alphas". I could feel my dinner coming back up.' Cas says, with a grin to match Ruby's, that makes the Alpha's smirk change from teasing to appreciative. 

'Don't you dare run away from Dean, he's actually giving you a sense of humour and sass.' Ruby declares as she flops down onto the couch beside her mate, wrapping an arm around Anna's shoulders and pulling her closer to her side. 

'I always had a sense of humour.' Cas replies, but when both Anna and Ruby fix him with a _look_ , he purses his lips for a brief moment before he declares, 'Okay, maybe it wasn't you _standard_ or easy to understand sense of humour, but I still hand one!'

'Yeah, yeah, whatever.' Ruby murmurs, shaking her head at him before she turns her attention back to the clock. 'Go back to Dean, Cas, it's getting late.'

Cas' eyes flicker over to the clock on the wall and they widen when he realises that it nearly reads midnight.

'Fuck.' He whispers, before he immediately stands from his seat, completely forgetting about his sister and her mate. When he does, however, he stops and turns back to them, watching as Anna and Ruby both stand together, smiles on their faces. 'Thanks for everything.'

Anna pulls him into an embrace, wrapping her slender arms around his waist, hugging him with as much force as she can, that nearly has her squeezing the life force out of him. 

'That's what big sisters are for.' Anna whispers in his ear, before she presses a soft kiss to his temple. When she pulls away from him, Cas turns his gaze to Ruby, simply expecting to get a smile or remark from her, but he finds himself being surprised when her arms wrap around his waist as well, pulling him into another hug.

'Take it from someone who knows how Alphas work,' Ruby starts, her voice a quiet whisper in his ear that even Anna cannot hear what she's saying. 'If you're thinking there's something wrong with you, that you can't conceive, Dean's probably worrying there's something with him, that he can't get you pregnant. It swings both ways, and you both need to realise that only time will tell, and that having kids is _not_ everything. Your relationship is.' 

When she pulls away from him, her brown eyes meet Cas' blue ones, and there's just something about her gaze that makes him remember the news he had just got today; that both Anna and Ruby had been through the exact same thing that they were. Anna had doubts about herself; Ruby had doubted herself. This wasn't just a thing that only Cas was going through - and he didn't even stop to think whether Dean was going through it as well, which seems pretty stupid now he thinks about it.

Of course Dean would be worrying about whether there's something wrong with him. 

God, and he calls himself a good mate. 

'Don't get used to that.' Ruby declares as she pats Cas' shoulders, and the moment is over. She's back to her joking self and Cas realises that it's time for him to go; to save his relationship with Dean and hopefully still be welcome to call him his mate.

_~oOoOoOoOoOo~_

When Castiel finally arrives back home, he's not sure whether Dean will still be awake, or even if Dean will still be in the house. He never thought of that on his way over, but as he stands outside, looking up to their bedroom window, finding that the lights in their room isn't on… in fact, no light is on. 

Sure, it could mean that Dean has just gone to sleep, but he doesn't know how to feel about that; could Dean really just _fall asleep_ whilst Castiel was out there, not knowing where he was? Castiel knew he couldn't do that if it were the other way around, but if Dean could… maybe this was sign that they weren't meant to be together. 

No.

He couldn't think like that. Dean and him were meant to be together; they were _mates_ , they had chosen this. It wasn't meant to be easy - no relationship was supposed to be easy - but they wanted to work at it. Both of them. 

That is what mattered.

He moves forward until he's inside the house, but when he's faced between going upstairs to see Dean, to see him and tell him how much he loved him, how sorry he was for running out on him, how he was willing to wait as long as it took; how he was willing to be happy with just him in their family, how he just wanted _Dean,_ he suddenly can't make his feet move. 

He stays rooted to the spot, staring at the twenty-four steps that will take him upstairs to his and Dean's bedroom, and can't make himself move any further forward. 

Instead, he walks the other way, down the hall to the bathroom - where it all started tonight. He's not sure what draws him there, he just knows that he needs to face that demon before he can face Dean. He needs to realise what he did wrong; face his disappointment straight on - grab the bull by the horns, as it were. 

He enters the room slowly, his eyes focusing on the toilet seat where he had sat for God only knows how long, trying to get over the fact that he was faced with yet another negative pregnancy test. That's when the guilt and the self-loathing started to creep in, and that's when he stormed out and left Dean alone. 

He shouldn't have done that.

Cas sits down on the seat, after he closes the lid over. His hands grab hold of the edge of the seat, his grip becoming so tight as he tries not to start crying again; forcing back down all those thoughts that had been circulating his mind before he went and talked to his sister. 

He closes his eyes and tilts his head back. It can't reach the wall, the cistern of the toilet catching his back and causing a border, but Castiel doesn't care. 

'God, you're stupid.' He whispers to himself as he reopens his eyes. Sure, it's hard, but he's got the most perfect mate to help him cope with that pain. But Castiel is so fucking stupid, that he just shoves his mate away when he tries to comfort him, instead of pulling him closer like any normal person would do. 

He looks around himself, his gaze sweeping over the bin where he had thrown the test after snapping at Dean, and he's tempted to take the entire bag out, so he doesn't have to keep looking at it, but he doesn't do that. Instead, he reaches forward and pulls it out of the trashcan that sits under the sink, holding it between his fingers as he stares at it, planning to keep looking at it until he no longer felt like he had failed, somehow. 

However, he doesn't feel any negative feelings as he stares at it - no failure, no sadness, no guilt, nothing - instead, a feeling of disbelief washes over him, as he stares at two black lines on the screen, instead of only one. 

His brow furrows as he looks at it, eyes flickering between each little line that stands there, like two dominos just waiting to be tipped over.

'It can't be.' He whispers, before he slides off the toilet seat, falling to his knees before scurrying over to the bin. He digs out the packet that the pregnancy test came in and flips it over to the part that told him just how this particular one worked. 

" _One line - not pregnant;  
Two lines - pregnant."_

'It… it can't be.' Cas whispers, but despite himself, he feels a smile pulling at his lips, that only grows when he turns his gaze back to the pregnancy test and still finds the two lines there. 

Within an instant, he's standing from his kneeling position on the bathroom floor, and is pulling the door open with so much force it nearly rips it off its hinges. 

'Dean!' He shouts, as he runs down the corridor, grabbing ahold of the bannister of the stairs as soon as he can, and using that as leverage to turn the corner and hurtle himself up the stairs. He takes them two at a time, shouting Dean's name another two times as he does. 

When he flies into the room, he bangs into a hard chest, but two strong arms wrap around his middle, steadying him and stopping him from falling down. 

'Cas.' Dean breathes, before his lips descend onto Castiel's as soon as they can. His arms tighten around Cas' middle, as Cas' snake their way around Dean's neck, momentarily forgetting about the pregnancy test that is still in his grasp. 

When Dean finally pulls away from him, he rests his forehead against Cas', breathing out a quiet sigh of relief and when Cas reopens his eyes, he finds Dean's still closed, with dark circles under his eyes, which are rimmed with a vivid red, as if he had been crying. 

'I was _so worried_ , Cas.' Dean murmurs, and Cas' free hand threads through his golden blond hair, his nails scratching in that soothing way that Dean loves and only Castiel can do. 

They stand there for a long moment, just happy in each other's embrace as they silently apologise for everything that was said and done before. But after a beat, Dean remembers that Cas had been calling for him, and he knows his mate's voice, it wasn't just to let him know he was home. He needed to tell him something.

'What were you shouting me for before?'

It takes only a second for Cas' mind to catch up with him, and with his free hand still entwined in Dean's hair, he pulls the hand holding the pregnancy test down, letting Dean see it. 

'I think we judged too quickly.' Cas explains when Dean's brow furrows in confusion, wondering why the hell Cas was holding the damn thing that had caused a fight only hours before. 'It's actually positive.' 

Dean's eyes widen as they dart back and forth, growing in size each time they land on Cas and the pregnancy test, before he plants his lips on Castiel's just after Cas' exclamation: 

'We're having a baby, Dean!' 

_~oOoOoOoOoOo~_

Dean stands at the bottom of the stairs, arms crossed tightly over his chest as his left foot taps out an impatient beat on the cold, hard wooden floor. He sighs to himself before he lifts his hand, checking the silver watch that's wrapped around his wrist, before a frown paints itself on his face.

'Mary Winchester, if you don't get your ass down these stairs in five minutes, so help me.' 

'"So help me" what?' Mary questions, as she stands at the top of the stairwell, arms folded over her chest in a perfect mirror of her father, that still stands at the bottom of the staircase. Her father sputters indigently, and Mary just chuckles as she finally starts to descend the stairs, a smirk on her lips. 

'You're a ten-year-old smartass, lady.' Dean says, holding out his arms for her as she approaches the last four steps. As soon as he can, his hands grab ahold of her waist and pull her from the steps, holding her high in the air as she giggles. He turns with her in his arms before he puts her back on the floor once more, grinning like an idiot as he stares at the wide smile on his daughter's face. 'I don't know where you get it from.'

'You don't?' Another voice questions, and when both Mary and Dean turn, they see Castiel resting against the frame of the door, one hand by his side and the other rubbing soothing circles on his swollen stomach; easing the pain of the kick that the baby had just given him. 'I wouldn't even need two guesses on who she got it from.' 

Dean reaches up and scratches the back of his neck, green eyes falling away from Cas' face as he does so. 

'I have no idea what you're talking about, Cas.' Dean coughs, before he turns to Mary, who just sends him a grin that matches Cas' so much it's actually scary. 'You ready to go, kiddo?' 

'If you're finally ready to go, then yeah.' Mary answers, bouncing over to Cas, wrapping her arms around his middle, pressing her face into his stomach with a wide smile on her face. 'Goodbye, Daddy.' 

Castiel pulls her away so he can lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head, running a hand through her hair when he finally stands up straight once more. He expects his daughter to bound away towards her father, but instead, she wraps her arms around his middle once more and presses a soft kiss to his stomach. 

'Goodbye little bother or sister.' She whispers. She then turns and runs over to Dean, taking ahold of his hand straight away, without noticing the awestruck look on his face. He doesn't say anything to her, instead her just wraps his arms around her and picks her up, pressing a large kiss to her forehead which has her giggling in return. 

'Ew, Dad! Stop!' Mary squeals through her giggles, but Dean doesn't stop. Instead he wanders over to his mate, letting Cas wrap his arms around the two people he loves, joining Dean in smothering their girl with kisses.

**THE END.**

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


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